I’m Buddhist, with a little bit of Taoism and some Chinese folk beliefs mixed in. I think I’m probably more religious than most people – after all, how many people legitimately considered becoming monks? Considering that mainstream western culture is extremely “secular” (most of you are extremely Christianized atheists, but that’s a different blog post entirely) and western LGBTQ+ culture is hyper-secular, I genuinely don’t feel that welcome.
I have no interest in trying to fit into Western culture any longer (this is also a different blog post. I have no interest in explaining it here). LGBTQ+ culture is…honestly, extremely Western. All those identities are Western ones! Those labels are all based off the Western conceptualizations and analyses of gender & sexuality.
Both my religion and my ethnicity heavily impact my understanding of who and what I am. I’m not “just” a man, I’m a Han Chinese Buddhist man. I know plenty of Westerners like to think that we’re all really the same, but that’s what happens when you’re part of the majority culture and never have to think consider anything outside of your bubble.
Honestly, it’s insulting. None of those things exist in isolation from each other! In fact, nothing exists in isolation from anything else. Things don’t happen in a vacuum.
I am not female or female-adjacent. Western culture is obsessed with controlling everyone they forcibly gender female, and I’m pleased to say that despite their best efforts at forcing the wrong gender on me, it didn’t take too well. I never considered myself female or a girl and genuinely don’t know why anyone would want to. I like being a man, especially one that isn’t beholden to Western norms. I think it’s pretty great.
Unfortunately, most queer spaces seem to be this weird woman+feminine nonbinary party where you have femininity forced onto you whether you like it or not…just like mainstream Western culture. I though this was supposed to be a space where people were free to be whatever they wanted instead of following the norm, hmm?
I know it’s TERF indoctrination and not all queer spaces are like that, but there’s enough of it to make me suspicious of all of them.
Western culture calls my sexuality aromantic asexual, which I like less and less the more I think about it. Aromantic asexual makes it seem like two different identities, whereas I see myself as having one that can’t be separated into two or more groups. This is an unpopular sentiment for reasons I genuinely don’t understand.
In an ideal world, I’d be one of those hermit monks who lived in the middle of the desert and gave out advice to anyone who came by (yes, that is seriously my ideal lifestyle). But we don’t live in an ideal world and that can’t happen.
Having a romantic or sexual relationship has never crossed my mind unless I forced myself to think about it. It’s not something I’ve ever wanted for myself. I don’t know how to force myself to want a relationship, or to be attracted to someone, or want a family. It does not make sense to me.
And since having an LGBTQ+ identity is primarily based on the relationships you have with people, why bother trying to call myself one of them? It’s genuinely not useful for people who choose to live the kind of lifestyle I have.