I finished reading The Left Hand of Darkness three weeks ago and was distraught for days – partially because of what happened in the book, but also because I had the realization that I may be writing the wrong stuff entirely.
Yeah, I’m having another writing crisis.
Samael is very different from what I’m typically interested in writing, and also from what I’ve posted on this website. For the past few weeks, I’ve had the horrible feeling that I’m wasting my time writing stuff that I don’t actually want or even like to write. It would explain why I’ve had such little success actually finalizing stories ever since I started writing in my early teens.
Maybe what I’ve spent the majority of the last 14 years doing is…forcing myself to write stuff I have no actual interest in writing.
The Land of Two Moons was really easy to write. Not only was it easy, it was fun to write. The Book of Immortality was less easy, but I would still consider my time spent writing and editing it to be enjoyable. It didn’t feel like a slog, which is what working on Samael currently feels like.
I’d hate to set Samael aside. I finished the outline and if I try very hard, I can have most of the story written by the end of the year. I really, really want to get this story done so I can have something to serialize on this website again.
I think I’ve bought into the sunk cost fallacy a little too much. I’m not enjoying this. I’m not being paid. The only thing I’ve invested into Samael is time, and I highly doubt putting more time into it is going to make me like it more.
I think I’m going to spend the rest of the month working on something that actually I actually enjoy thinking about.
Honestly, I had a pretty bad month. I revised issue 1 of Samael in the first week, and was planning to revise 1 issue for each of the following weeks. That did not happen. At the moment, I am just barely halfway through revising issue 2.
There is an actual medical reason for this: for the past two weeks, quite a bit of my free time has been consumed with taking care of an infected abscess that has required two different antibiotics (which I’m still taking) and made it difficult to sit (or stand, or walk around, or drive, or really do anything other than lie on my side). Going to work and sitting down at a desk all day was painful enough that I didn’t want to continue doing the same at home.
I’ve only been able to sit comfortably again this past weekend, and I can basically walk around without problem. I’m not nearly as tired as I was in the beginning. I will probably finish revising issue 2 before the month ends.
As for my currently unnamed story, I’ve continued plotting it out in my head. I’m still working things out, and it’ll be a while before there’s any writing.
I finally finished the Samael outline! And then, after that, decided I wasn’t going to do anything else. I literally have not written a word since I finished that outline – not for Samael or anything else. I also did a tiny bit of plotting for some other stories. By tiny, I mean under 300 words.
I really hope next month will be better for writing.
I finished quite a bit of the Samael outline this month – issues 17 and 18, as well as the beginnings of issue 19. I also figured out what exactly I want to do with this story (see this blog post).
I also did a little bit of worldbuilding & characterization for the unnamed story.
I’m sorry this is such a short update, but I’m sick at the moment and am having trouble thinking. Hopefully I will have more to report at the end of July.
My first goal is to finish the Samael outline. I’m already very close to being done, and I’ll be surprised if it takes any longer than 5-7 days. After that’s done, it’s time to actually go back to writing Samael. I haven’t written anything since the end of November since I’ve been focused on finishing the outline.
I may also write some more blog posts. I have a document with a lot of blog post ideas and notes that’s getting pretty long, and it’s well past time to clear it out. I don’t have anything scheduled for posts aside from the monthly writing updates and recommendations, and I’m getting a little tired of skipping Fridays or writing posts on those Fridays instead of ahead of schedule.